Time travel possible just by getting everyone to agree on a new time

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that time travel is achievable simply by picking the desired time and getting everyone to go along with it.

After the UK successfully time-travelled by one hour last weekend, experts believe the technique of just making up a new time could be used to visit the Edwardian era or even to experience life among primitive cave tribes.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Time is all in the imagination, like the Loch Ness monster and consequence-free sexual intercourse. The basics of time travel are general consensus and good costumes.

“For example we could go back to 1854 next month simply by giving out top hats, getting children to work in factories and making people walk awkwardly, like they have rickets.

“Imagine what adventures might await us there.

“And if you want to go back to medieval times, just send an email a week before saying that everyone has to wear armour and that it will be ok to decapitate people for minor crimes.”

Professor Brubaker said it was also theoretically possibly to travel into the distant future by getting everyone to wear silver clothing and go up in hang gliders while listening to techno.

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Russell Brand’s revolution to consist mainly of nutters

THE vanguard of Russell Brand’s revolution will be people who are out of their minds, it has been confirmed.

The entertainer has struggled to attract followers, but his suggestion of a US-led conspiracy behind 9/11 has led to thousands of nutters volunteering to overthrow the Bilderberg Group.

Julian Cook, a raving lunatic from Stevenage, said: “Finally I have a leader worthy of replacing the magic banjo that’s been telling me what to do since 1987.

“Now let’s talk about what’s happening on the moon.”

Jane Thompson, a fruitloop from Doncaster, added: “I just hope Russell Brand is not part of a US-led conspiracy to discredit the very idea of a revolution that would destroy capitalism and our stinking, fetid, so-called ‘democracy’.

“Or am I just a fictional character in a spoof news story that’s designed to discredit Russell Brand and is published on some glib fucking website that’s secretly owned by Dick Cheney?