Why people are really liking your social media posts

WE all get a buzz when our social media posts get a lot of likes. But don’t get too excited – here are the real reasons people have ‘liked’ your online ramblings.   

The trying to look clever like

Have you posted an article from New Scientist? Chances are half the likes are from people who have no intention of reading a heavy-going article about DNA science but just want to look well clever.   

The trying to look as if you give a shit like

Have you posted about racism, poverty or a local charity appealing for help? Sorry, but most of those likes are from people trying to look like they definitely do more to help than sit on their arses pressing a thumbs up button.  

The passive aggressive like  

Have you just ‘checked in’ to a bar? Most of the likes you got for that post will be from people you didn’t invite subtly reminding you what a bastard you are.   

The tactical like

Everyone knows that if you like enough people’s posts, they are bound to return the favour. This may be why you got 65 likes for that really obvious post about the American election. 

The sheep like

You may have got a couple of actual likes but anything after that is just people following the herd. Liking it simply not to feel left out is a bit pathetic, but then so is spending your life making unremarkable comments on social media.     

The robot like

Whatever you post online, the majority of likes are from people aimlessly scrolling social media like dead-eyed androids. An hour later they’ll have no memory of ‘liking’ that photo of your cat in the laundry basket. 

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English accent so posh man sounds foreign

A MAN’S accent has become so posh that it no longer sounds as if he is speaking the English language.

Julian Cook, who was born in Surrey, attended boarding school and now works for a London antiques auction house, has progressed beyond well-spoken to a dialect most people no longer recognise as English.

With the help of a translator, Cook said: “My mother always encouraged us to elongate our vowels as much as possible and not really move our mouths when we speak.

“For me, being almost incomprehensible is a sign of good breeding.”

While other posh people might occasionally slip in a ‘Diddy’ for ‘Daddy’ or say ‘baarth maart’ instead of ‘bath mat’, almost every word Cook says bears no resemblance to its written form.

He continued: “It also doesn’t help that my vocabulary is painfully obscure and I often can’t resist a foray into Latin when I’m doing something like buying a pint of milk at the corner shop.

“I’ve even encountered prejudice because people assume that I can’t possibly be English. Someone told me to go back to where I came from, which is a massive house in Richmond upon Thames.”