World beyond smartphone screen just a dull blur

HUMANS experience the world as a sequence of vague backdrops surrounding their phone screen, it has emerged.

Researchers found that modern families sit in their living rooms staring at hand-held devices, only vaguely aware of each other’s presence as indistinct pinkish blobs.

Psychologist Emma Bradford said: “People still spend time together wherever there are nice soft chairs to sit on. But whether it’s at home, work or in the pub they’re fully immersed in dicking around on their phones.

“Teenagers have dubbed non-phone reality ‘the blur’, or ‘beyond the rectangle’.

“But to make everyone feel better about that, a group of phone-dickers is described as a ‘digital hub’. Which sounds sort of cool and worthwhile.”

The portable nature of technology means that most people do not even know where they are.

Momentarily diverted from Candy Crush Saga, 23-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “Is this outside, or am I in a massive building?

“I mostly just wander around, staring at my phone.

“Sometimes people bring me food that I’ve ordered via an app on my phone, it’s like a 3D arm emerges from the blur holding a pizza or some chips.”

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That flower was gagging for it, says bee

A BEE has described giving a good-looking purple flower the pollinating of its life.

Bumble bee Tom Logan didn’t even know the flower’s Latin name.

He said: “As soon as I flew into the garden I spotted this nice long-stemmed purple flower, just begging me to land on it.

“And God knows I’m not the sort of bee to turn down a taste of sweet nectar.”

Logan continued: “No sooner had I touched down than we were pollinating.

“My proboscis was desperately Hoovering up the flower’s sticky nectar.

“Meanwhile the pollen from other plants that had stuck to my legs rubbed off onto the plant’s eager stigma, completing the cross-pollination process. Oh yeah.

“Not meaning to boast, but you could tell the flower was loving it. There was nectar everywhere.

“Afterwards I was too exhausted to fly off, I lay there on the flower and we swayed together in the breeze.

“A starling or cat could have come and picked me off then, I wouldn’t even have cared.

“There have been other flowers since but that one just stays in my mind.”