THE world’s population has been left struggling to function after a six-hour blockage of the pipes that spew bullshit into their faces 24-7.
A rupture in the bullshit supply last night meant millions worldwide were forced to look up from their phones, recognise another vaguely human shape next to them on the sofa, and haltingly attempt to interact with them.
Joanna Kramer of Hounslow said: “I was spending the evening scrolling, as I usually do, wondering if that stupid cow from my old work had tried that f**king awful dress she’d bought on. But then the scroll stopped.
“Dazed, I realised my husband was in the same state because his group chat where him and the lads share shit jokes and sexist memes was down. And our teenage daughter was weeping at being deprived of a constant stream of self-esteem destroying photos.
“We were forced to attempt ‘conversation’. If you’ve not tried it, it’s like the comments under a post but without the viciousness and emojis. Horrible.”
Tech expert Francesca Johnson said: “Six hours without constant, distracting, trivial, hateful, consumerist bullshit is more than the human mind was meant to endure. We’re lucky to have survived.
“Thankfully the technical issues have been fixed and the unending flow of bullshit has been restored. Drink deep, everyone. Never try to do without it ever again.”