You've passed your test, but can you actually drive? Take our quiz

YOU’VE officially passed your driving test and you’re allowed to be in a car on your own. But can you actually drive? Time to find out.

You’re on a busy main road and need to turn left into a side street. What do you do?

A. Indicate, check it’s safe, then go.

B. Just turn, f**k everyone else. They’ll probably stop.

You’re driving on the motorway and need to overtake. Which lane do you choose?

A. The right hand lane.

B. I just get right up the backside of the person in front until they move. Easy.

You’re on a narrow country road at night. How fast are you going?

A. Not as fast as usual so I have reasonable time to slow down if someone comes the other way.

B. 105mph, or 5mph, depending on whether I think the police are behind me.

A pedestrian wants to cross at a zebra crossing you’re approaching. What do you do?

A. Slow down and let them cross.

B. Accelerate over it. Hopefully not over them, but what is life without a little risk?

You need to send someone a text. What do you do?

A. Wait until you’ve stopped and then do it.

B. Jump on the fast lane of the motorway and take both hands off the wheel so you can text freely.

You finally made it to your destination. How do you park?

A. In-between the lines.

B. I park sideways across several bays to ensure I take up maximum space but also leave no room for the person next to me to open their door more than a crack.

Answers

Mostly As

You know how to drive and deserved to pass your test. Keep it up and hope you don’t encounter any drivers who got Bs (which you definitely will).

Mostly Bs

Christ. Maybe the examiner was drunk, or maybe you slipped them a tenner. In any case, you definitely aren’t roadworthy. Enjoy having a licence while it lasts.

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Five completely useless friends when you've been dumped

WHEN you’re newly heartbroken, numerous friends will rally round to offer support. These people will be no help whatsoever:

Cliché advisor

As if being jettisoned by your partner wasn’t enough, you now also have to deal with some chump whose idea of emotional support is spouting the type of platitude usually found on a cushion. Yes, there might be plenty more fish in the sea but the one you actually cared about has left you for their personal trainer.

‘Get back out there’ guy

You are an emotional husk. Your flat is still full of your ex’s belongings, which they could come to collect at any moment. Yet your mega-tool of a mate is telling you to ‘get back out there’ and hook up with a stranger, because openly weeping in a nightclub is always a winner when it comes to pulling.

Drama fan

It’s usually a female friend who will turn up the second they hear you’ve been ditched, ostensibly offering support, but in reality wanting to suck as much sustanance as possible from your trauma. They will offer terrible advice, like ‘Why don’t you go round to their mums and see if she can help?’ because they get a sick thrill from your misery.

The person who makes it all about them

After listening to your woes for approximately three seconds, this friend will help by banging on about all the times they have been dumped, which are many and varied because they are a massive bellend. If you try and get a word in they’ll accuse you of being selfish and begin musing about whether that’s the real reason you were kicked to the kerb.

The misguided ego-inflater

There is invariably one friend who says ‘I always thought you were too good for them’, revealing that they’d never liked your partner. They will slag them off in every way possible, which, rather than making you feel better, will lead you to question your judgement and wonder if you’ll ever be happy again.

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