21-year-old really looks up to 24-year-old

A 21-YEAR-OLD barman looks up to his 24-year-old counterpart like he’s some sort of guru, it has been confirmed.

Nathan Muir has worked with Wayne Hayes at Bliss Cocktail Bar in Swindon for the last three weeks and is blown away by the amazing life that Hayes leads.

He said: “He’s been a barman for the last two years, so he knows his game inside out. Wayne makes cocktail-making look like science and not just mixing different drinks together and then burning some orange peel on the top of it.

“He’s almost a father figure, although he would have to have had me aged three. Wayne is a real man of the world who’s been to Ibiza twice.

“I respect his wisdom, integrity and how he shags quite a lot of women including one who was 39. He’s like Yoda, if Yoda lived in a shared flat with no furniture except a sofa.

“If I knuckle down, drop out of uni and follow his lead, I could be a full-time ‘cocktail mixologist’ in just a few years.”

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Letting Prince Andrew do something turns out to be bad idea

GIVING Prince Andrew a high-profile public role has somehow failed to be a success, it has emerged.

Officials have admitted that appointing the Prince as the UK’s trade envoy has led to the country being humiliated on the international stage thanks to an ever-lengthening list of hideously embarrassing circumstances.

But they have insisted the decision to appoint the Prince was made in good faith as at that point there was only a 90% chance he would become mixed-up with gangsters and sleazy, billionaire sex offenders.

A Foreign Office source said: “It’s very sad because when he was offered it we all thought he must be the right man for the job.

“He was after all a leading a member of the Royal Family while the only thing counting against him was a well-documented penchant for free-loading oafishness and a catastrophic lack of judgement.

“It’s just so difficult to pinpoint where it went wrong.”