34% of personalities entirely hat-based

THE number of people who are distinguishable only by a hat they wear has risen dramatically.

What sort of hat are you?

Hat-based personalities are especially prevalent among young heterosexual males who admire Olly Murs, according to research by the Institute for Studies.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “We’ve seen a sharp increase in young men who are entirely unremarkable except for a funny little trilby hat.

“Within their social group they will be known as the ‘hat one’ or ‘the lad with the hat’, because they lack any other characteristics.

“Often they buy the hat to impress girls and then become lazy, assuming the hat is sufficiently quirky that they no longer need to think.”

23-year-old Stephen Malley developed a hat-based personality after buying a patchwork flat cap.

He said: “I felt strangely confident in the hat, knowing that it set me apart from my friends when we were out drinking in town centre bars.

“It made be different from the others, like an artist or some sort of shaman. But then it began to take me over.

“I started wearing the hat in bed, and couldn’t answer a question without first considering what the hat’s opinions might be. It was like a horror film about an evil hat.”

Professor Brubaker said: “Real problems can arise when two ‘hat personalities’ occur in a social group, for example a trilby and a flat cap – they cancel out each other’s individualism and there may even be a small explosion.”