38-year-old man has just learned it's 'could have' not 'could of'

A 38-YEAR-OLD man has only just learned that the correct phrasing is ‘could have’ rather than ‘could of’. 

Tom Logan admitted his world has been rocked by the revelation, not least because it came from the smart-arse 17-year-old work experience kid in his office.

He said: “Did everyone know this? Since when?

“I’ve got that on my CV. Oh God, I think it might have been in my marriage vows. I wondered why Word kept underlining it.

“It’s always been could of, ever since I learned to talk. I say it all the time. I could of said it five times today already. Could have. Fucking hell.”

Wife Janine Logan said: “He can’t stop going over conversations in his head. He said it might sound like hyperbowl, but he doesn’t know who he can trust anymore.

“I don’t know how to tell him you pronouce it ‘hyper-bow-lee’.”

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Prince Philip 'has no idea Meghan is mixed-race'

PRINCE Philip is making the royal family incredibly tense due to still not realising his granddaughter-in-law is a person of colour.

The Duke of Edinburgh is keeping his family and palace employees on tenterhooks over when he will next make one of his ‘interesting’ observations about race.

A footman said: “We’re not sure how Philip bypassed this well-known fact about Meghan’s background, but then he does only read Shooting Times and watch TV programmes about destroyers.

“Luckily Meghan is American and earnest, so if Philip mentions ‘spear chuckers’ she assumes he’s just referring to a trip where he saw modern African people celebrating their ancient history.”

Prince Harry said: “Given grand-pater’s frequently off-colour comments about people from other cultures I thought it best to gloss over the whole thing.

“He currently thinks Meghan is a long-lost relative of Count Von Rundstedt the Ninth of Imperial Prussia whose family moved to America to escape vampires.”