Lads who go 'on the pull' every Saturday have never pulled

A GROUP of young men who regularly go ‘on the pull’ are wondering when they will attract women.

Tom Logan and his friends always do their best to look attractive before spending eight hours or more in bars and clubs, but invariably end the evening in the company of a chicken jalfrezi.

Logan said: “It’s possible we’re doing something wrong but I can’t think what. My trainers are always spotless and I’ve got some great lines such as, ‘I’m learning the guitar’ and ‘You’ve got lovely teeth’.

“I hope something happens soon, because even my mum is starting to take the piss.”

Logan’s friend, Wayne Hayes, said: “None of us have actually pulled when we’re on the pull, so basically it’s just hanging around with your mates, only really expensive and with no Playstation.

“Maybe that’s all there is to it, in which case I’ve got some great pulling stories, mostly about one of us ‘having a little accident’.”

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Best technological advance of last 40 years was Ice Magic

THE technological advance of the last four decades that has done most to change ordinary lives was Ice Magic, Britons have agreed. 

Survey respondents said that neither the internet, flatscreen televisions, the mapping of the human genome or the blue LED could beat a chocolate sauce that instantly hardened into a chocolate shell.

Martin Bishop of Warwick said: “I remember the first time I saw it. The amazement. The wonder. In a sense I never recovered from that moment.

“You must remember ice-cream technology was very primitive at that time. Cookie dough or fudge whirls had yet to be even conceived. We were impressed by Neapolitan.

“And then Ice Magic came along, the true extent of its innovation unknown until that fateful moment when syrup hit ice-cream and a liquid became a solid.

“It was like touching God. I knew, in that moment, that mankind had reached a new peak, that nothing – interstellar travel, time travel, creating new life – was beyond our grasp.

“But then it was discontinued and you can’t buy it anymore.”