Evening Standard to be paper for busy Londoners who love coke, says Osborne

THE London Evening Standard will feature an indispensable weekly guide to crazy parties where all kinds of stuff goes on.

New editor George Osborne set out his plans to make the paper ‘as relevant and useful as possible to its readers’.

He added: “London-based professionals are extremely busy people with their fingers in lots of different pies.

“They need an easy-to-use guide to those special places and events that may or may not feature top quality coke and wild, crazy hookers that are both available 24 hours a day.

“The reviews will include star ratings out of five as well as a ‘Champagne Charlie Party of the Month’ competition.”

He added: “By the way, does anyone know how to edit a newspaper?”