Adults encouraged to embrace their inner grown-up

ADULTS have been urged to unlock their full potential by finding their ‘inner grown up’.

Psychologist Dr Tom Booker believes adults have lost sight of how to access their adult selves and has suggested a range of strategies to help people reconnect with their ‘repressed grown up person’.

Dr Booker said: “Instead of reading Harry Potter books, which are for children, read a book written about actual grown ups that doesn’t involve witches, zombies or goblins.

“Or you might consider watching a BBC4 documentary, or even tuning in to Radio 4, rather than watching Doctor Who, which, once again, is for children.

“Another way to encourage your inner grown-up is to read a long article in one of the broadsheets without whimpering ‘tl;dr’ and turning to a story about Kim Kardashian’s bum.”

Dr Booker also regards restaurants as ‘special venues’ where over-21s can ‘release’ the over-21 year-old person within by eating something other than chips or pizza.

He added: “And when asked if you want a dessert, don’t get all excited and order ice cream. You’re not 12 and it’s not your birthday.”

Dr Booker said the next level involves ‘taking responsibility for something’, but that was for advanced students only.

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Mortarboards added to list of things students must be protected from

MORTARBOARDS have joined ‘ideas’ and ‘the past’ on a list of things that students should be afraid of.

The NUS has confirmed that graduates’ traditional square caps are potentially as harmful to students’ wellbeing as 19th-century statues and speeches by Peter Tatchell, and will be no longer be permitted on campus.

NUS officer Emma Bradford said: “What good is it to protect students from Germaine Greer’s views on gender identity if we can’t protect them from being hit on the head by pointy bits of card?

“At least if you’re the wrong kind of feminist I can shout at you on Twitter. But you can’t publicly shame a mortarboard.”

The NUS will provide counselling for any student struck by a mortarboard, or who has read about someone else being struck by a mortarboard and felt upset on their behalf.

It has also passed a motion condemning mortarboards as tools of Zionist oppression, and is calling on all universities to provide anti-mortarboard safe spaces in rooms with low ceilings.

Student activist Nathan Muir said: “Mortarboards were introduced in the sixteenth century to protect students from bird droppings and the punishing heat of the sun. But you know what else was introduced in the sixteenth century? Colonialism.”

Bradford replied: “I can’t believe Nathan went and said the word ‘mortarboard’ without a trigger warning. That’s a microaggression.”