Adults living at home terrified of house price fall

PEOPLE living with their parents are dreading having to make their own way in the world, it has emerged.

30-somethings living at home are praying that property remains unaffordable so they never have to abandon the parental bosom for the terrifying world of adulthood.

Tom Logan, 33, said: “The thought of buying my own house just makes me want to hide under my Thundercats duvet.

“I mean, I’d be in a house all on my own, which is scary enough in itself. My mum wouldn’t be there to make me a sandwich and I wouldn’t know to work the washing machine or where the towels are kept.

“I wouldn’t have any money either, because it would probably cost much more than the £5 a month I give to my parents.”

Donna Sheridan, 29, said: “If I got my own flat, how would I ask for money from my dad all the time and get him to drive me everywhere at the drop of a hat?

“He’d have to sit outside in the car all day with a bag of money.”

Estate agent Stephen Malley said: “We get quite a lot of grown-up children and their parents looking in the window at our disgustingly expensive houses.

“They tut and shake their heads, but you can tell they just want to get back to their rent-free childhood bedroom for some Playstation and a bowl of mum’s hotpot.”

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Juan Mata joins rat-infested ghost ship

CHELSEA midfielder Juan Mata has been sold to an eerie crewless ship. 

The ship, which has been purposelessly roaming since being cut adrift last year, is inhabited only by diseased cannibal rats feeding on each other.

Thought only to have value as scrap, the deserted hulk terrifies other ships with its advancing decay and its red-eyed, feral inhabitants.

Mata said: “Joining a decaying ghost ship, a spectre of the seaways which other captains talk about in hushed tones because they fear it could one day happen to them, isn’t exactly the ideal transfer.

“On the other hand, at least I might get to start a game every once in a while.”