Monday, 25th May 2020

Adults told to stop putting two words together to make a swear word

ADULTS have been urged to stop making up meaningless compound swear words like 'arsebucket' and 'tossgerbil'.

The practice of placing a random word after a swearword to form a whimsical compound like 'twatkettle' has spread from middle-class student houses to places inhabited by normal grown ups.

Linguist Dr Helen Archer said: "An adult adding an object after a swearword to make a new word is the semantic equivalent getting one one of those mini scooters, painting some stripes on it and riding it into a canal."

Experts fear that if Britain's adults do not sort themselves out proper swearing could die within 30 years.

Pub landlord Martin Bishop said: "Last week someone made a remark about my mother and I called him a 'cockparrot'.

"I had to go out the back and kick my own head in."