Age-gap relationships doomed by different children's TV memories

MOST relationships with an age gap fail because of differing children’s television references, it has emerged.

Experts believe the main challenge facing those with younger partners is having to constantly explain obsolete cartoon and puppet-based Saturday morning programming.

Relationship counsellor Donna Sheridan said: “Sadly, no relationship can withstand a hugely detailed description of Fraggle Rock or how He-Man’s cat was cowardly until he zapped it with his sword.

“People in their 30s report seeing their partner’s eyes glaze over as they chatter enthusiastically about Chock-a-Block only to find the person they thought was their soulmate doesn’t even know who Derek Griffiths is.

“And as for Rude Dog and the Dweebs, forget it.”

Company director Roy Hobbs said: “My girlfriend’s a lot younger than me, but everything was fine until I did an impression of BA Baracus and she called me a racist.

“I then had to spend 14 minutes outlining the plot and characters of The A-Team. She was like ‘why would anyone in trouble call some mentally ill men who live in a van?’.

“That was the moment our love died. The sex was awesome but I knew I had to get out.”

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Eight and a half million people trapped in London rapidly losing hope

THE record numbers of people now trapped in the capital believe they have little chance of returning to freedom.

London captive Tom Booker said: “I’ve tried everything to get out, even getting a job in Birmingham, but when you drive out of Zone 5 you just hit a kind of forcefield.

“I suppose I will die here, among the twats.”

Bar worker Wayne Hayes said: “I’ve tried tunnelling out but my lungs are too weak from the pollution.

“London was my dream, but the streets are not in fact paved with gold. In fact there is shit all over them, both canine and human.

“I thought I would have a successful viral marketing company by now, but thanks to my sleeve tattoos I am stuck in bar work, making barely enough to cover the cocaine I need to keep me sane.”