THE corpse of legendary entertainer Al Jolson is to be exhumed and given a right good slap, it emerged last night.
The world's most famous black and white minstrel will be abused amid a fresh wave of anger over things that are supposed to look like black people but don't really.
Jolson, singer of such favourites as Swanee and Oogie Oogie Wa Wa, will be disinterred from his final resting place at the Hillside Memorial Park Cemetery in Culver City, California and punched in the face.
The punching will be performed by the great grandson of the first black man to be offended by Jolson singing Mammy while waving his hands around.
Meanwhile the Queen is to send a written apology to every Afro-Caribbean person in the Commonwealth after it was revealed the Royal Estate at Sandringham was employing thousands of golliwog toys as slaves.
The toys, originally captured and sold to the Crown by the Thatcher family, have now been freed.
But Britain's black population remains split over the issue between those who have far more important things to think about and those who get paid to complain about it.
Tom Booker, an accountant from London whose grandparents were born in Jamaica, said: "That looks absolutely nothing like me. Good day."