‘BLACK Friday’ shoppers have been told it is fine to maim anyone getting in their way.
With high street shops slashing prices by up to 70%, David Cameron announced that consumers can “do whatever it takes” to get the bargains.
He said: “Today the only law is the law of the jungle. Look around your home – is there something you can use for a weapon? Stay alert. What appears to be a shop window dummy could be a rival shopper with a claw hammer.
“Let Black Friday begin!”
Shopper Emma Bradford said: “I wanted one of those electronic Furbys that gets pregnant. When I finally made it to the Furby aisle there was another mum carrying off the last one.
“I smiled apologetically then kneed her in the face, followed with a couple of kicks to ensure she stayed down. Who’s got the Furby now, bitch?
“Next on the list is toiletries but that department seems to be on fire.”