Straight men to have casual sex with each other

HETEROSEXUAL men are to address the gender imbalance in appetite for casual sex by just doing it with each other.

"Let's down these beers and fuck"

“Let’s neck these beers and start fondling”

A survey showing women want less casual sex than men has prompted straight guys to look at the numbers, face facts and start dating each other.

A new rota system will see one in three dates become male-male, with men expected to quickly overcome initial doubts about their sexuality for the guarantee of a shag at the end of the night.

Heterosexual roofer Stephen Malley went on a date with chef Nathan Muir last night, and said: “I was nervous at first.

“But we bought our own drinks, had a really interesting conversation about the best way to kill a polar bear with a blunt instrument, and ended the evening with fantastic sex unsullied by even a hint of affection.

“Afterwards, instead of cuddling, we watched The Expendables 2 on Blu-ray, including the extras which had some interesting stuntman interviews.

“And the next day my phone sat in blissful silence without a single needy text or call. Not until three days later, in fact, when he texted ‘Want to come round for a curry, FIFA 13 and a shag?’

“I think I’m in love.”