TOY shops are to stop under-18s from buying their goods so they can go to collectors who properly appreciate them.
Market research has shown that children not only remove toys from their boxes but use them in imaginative non-canonical games and even lose bits, making them impossible to sell on eBay.
Adult Star Wars obsessive Tom Booker said: “My four-year-old nephew had Boba Fett and Anakin Skywalker fighting – as if they could possibly exist in the same timeframe.
These toys are made to be displayed on bespoke shelving units, their value accreting as their vinyl remains untarnished, not to be molested by some tiny maniacs sticky paws.
Bewildered mother Francesca Ryan said: My son likes Batman on the telly, so I thought Id get him some toys for Christmas.
I soon found myself lost in a baffling wasteland of exclusive variants, wave three release schedules, and limited Comicon-only plush bobbleheads.
Ive bought him a PS4 and Call of Duty instead, so he can hang out with his peers in a world of endless, hyper-graphic violence and keep well away from those toy shop weirdos.
My Little Pony collector Nathan Muir said: What would a child want with my premium detail 1:85 scale Double Midnight variant Princess Twilight Sparkle figure?
Just look at the swelling curve of her lilac flank, the provocative indigo of her lustrous mane, the lascivious flare of her nostrils. This little minx is very definitely adult-only.