NOT sure if you are burning in the eternal flames of damnation or merely at your nan’s house? Find out with our quiz.
How hot is it?
A) Unbearably so. Even though you can’t see roaring fires lapping at your body it certainly feels like there should be. To make things worse a cruel tormentor in a bulky knitted jumper says they’re chilly and keeps bringing you boiling cups of tea.
B) Judging by the lake of lava you can see, very.
Are you being held against your will?
A) Yes. It feels like you’ve been here for an eternity, but every time you try to leave a wizened crone says you can’t go yet because you’ve only just arrived.
B) Yes. Whenever you try to make a break for it a swarm of creatures with giant bat-like wings descend on you and carry you off to be dropped into a volcano.
What can you hear?
A) The screams of a tortured soul begging to be freed of their torment. No one else can hear it though because it’s coming from inside your head.
B) An album of Daniel O’Donnell’s greatest hits being played over and over again. It’s a worse punishment than that guy who has to push a boulder up a mountain forever.
What are you watching?
A) A dreary repeat of a documentary about Vera Lynn. The football’s on the other channel, but the remote is being mockingly clutched in your captor’s withered claw.
B) Legions of naked sinners shuffling along in bulky chains as a big red muscular man with horns on his head jabs them with a pitchfork.
What did you do to deserve this?
A) Nothing, You’ve been a dutiful grandchild who remembers to send your nan a birthday card every year. By rights you should be in the pub.
B) No idea. You’ve lived a good if unremarkable life. Although you did take the Lord’s name in vain a lot, which probably condemned you to an eternity of punishment.
ANSWERS
Mostly As: You’re in the sweltering nether realm that is your nan’s living room. The framed photo of your graduation should have been a dead giveaway.
Mostly Bs: You’re a doomed soul who has found themselves in the underworld. Although at least you don’t have to listen to your nan repeat the same anecdote for the eighth time in an hour.
