Aspirational parents discourage toddler from waving to binmen

A TWO-YEAR-OLD’S parents are discouraging him from thinking of binmen, postmen or men driving diggers as role models.

Joseph Turner, aged two-and-a-half, is being kept away from the windows when the bin lorry comes by just in case he gets ideas.

Mother Francesca said: “George, the boy he knows from junior yoga, wants to be a train driver. A train driver. Well I think we can do a bit better than that.

“Right now Joseph is too young to realise that the man in the big red crane has neck tattoos, no property portfolio and doesn’t send his children to a fee-paying school.

“There was a phase when he wanted to be an astronaut, but we put a stop to that. Did you know Tim Peake only went to the University of Portsmouth?”

Meanwhile, the toddler is encouraged to go to the window and wave when neighbour Stephen Malley, CEO of a tech start-up with share options totalling £3 million, walks past with his briefcase.

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Office beauty claimed with territorial bouquet


AN ATTRACTIVE woman has been marked as an alpha male’s property with a territorial Valentine’s bouquet.

Marketing executive Eleanor Shaw received the flowers this morning, in a clear signal to other males of mating age to back away.

Audit manager Julian Cook said: “The minute the bouquet arrived, noses were twitching and hackles were raised throughout the building.

“This was no small display. It was a full-blooded challenge costing at least 85 quid with two dozen roses and a fancy box.

“Valentine’s Day might have got suitors flocking,  but this female has now been indelibly marked.”

He added: “Martin from purchasing strutted over there all cocky but when he saw the bouquet he slunk back whimpering, with his tail between his legs.

“The word is out. Eleanor is off-limits.”

Shaw said: “Aw, my boyfriend may act all big and tough but he’s a big, soppy romantic at heart. To think he did all this just for me.”