A GOOD-LOOKING woman from a nice family has inexplicably failed to produce a cookery book.
39-year-old Emma Bradford is the only member of her extended social circle not to have either a cookery manual or a deal with Channel 4 to make it into a series.
She said: “Somehow the cookery publishing bandwagon has just passed me by. I bought an apron and everything, in fact I was supposed to have a meeting with a publisher but I got the flu.
“Sometimes it’s hard when I pass a bookshop and see my sister’s book Polly’s Quick Country Eats, my mum’s book Martha’s Comfort Kitchen and my cousin’s book Pippa’s Bap Attack!.
“Even my husband’s got a deal for a book called The Kitchen Hunter Gatherer: Martin’s Manly Munchies and he can’t heat up a fucking tin of soup.
“What about if I buy a gypsy caravan and sit on the steps holding a cake? Anyone?”
However publisher Tom Booker said: “Emma has the requisite very large kitchen but if you look closely she’s got one slightly wonky eye. So it’s a pass from me.”