Attractive people enjoying not having to be funny

ATTRACTIVE people thoroughly enjoy not having to be funny or interesting, they have revealed.

After research found beautiful women were more likely to get their way, attractive people have admitted that being incredibly popular without any effort is really great.

PR executive Nikki Hollis said: “Every day I thank the gods I’m beautiful because men think I’m a fascinating conversationalist even if I’m drivelling on about my cat having one white paw that looks like a sock.

“It must be hell for people who have to be funny. Luckily I can just say ‘I don’t think much of the weather!’ and men will laugh like deranged hyenas on magic mushrooms.”

Male model Wayne Hayes said: “I get a real kick out of seeing an average bloke making a woman laugh and thinking he’s in with a chance, then going over and effortlessly pulling her with my gorgeous face.

“I’ve never had to develop any personality.”

Average-looking accountant Stephen Malley said: “Last night I met a beautiful woman who talked at me for four hours about kiwi fruit. I am in love with her.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Beach body poster ‘just a standard piece-of-shit advert’

THE controversial ‘beach body’ poster is no more tawdry, exploitative and depressing than the rest of advertising, it has been confirmed.

The adverts showing a bikini-clad woman attracted complaints from people strangely unaware of the marketing imagery that surrounds them in pretty much every moment of their daily lives.

A spokesman for the Advertising Standards Authority said: “Have you people never seen an advert before?

“Let me be clear about how advertising works. They use text, imagery or moving pictures to create anxiety and then suggest that said anxiety could be eased by purchase of a thing.

“When I look at this poster, I see a picture of a sexy woman and some words trying to get you to buy some shit. What do you want us to do here, ban all adverts? Then how would you hear about all those products you people love so dearly?

“I have to look at these fucking things all day, every day. Sexy woman, buy a thing. Sexy man, buy a thing. Sexy family, go on holiday.

“I want to go and live in the countryside with some chickens and a goat.”