BBC decides Britain 'not ready' for Glaswegian Dalek

THE BBC is under fire after claiming Britain ‘could not cope’ with a Glaswegian Dalek.

As the corporation unveiled the first female Doctor Who, pro-Glaswegian Dalek activists said they had hoped the BBC would also have ‘the courage to confront the final taboo’.

Campaigner Bill McKay said: “Glaswegians are now accepted into almost every walk of life. It is the 21st Century and attitudes should had moved on. This sends a terrible message.”

But a BBC spokesman said: “The Dalek voice is designed to be really intimidating. We would take a huge risk by giving it a Glaswegian accent.

“Many of our male viewers would find it even more frightening than the prospect of a female Doctor.”

However, the BBC stressed it was no longer opposed to the principle of a Scottish Dalek and could now ‘envisage’ an episode of Doctor Who featuring a Dalek that has a soft, lilting Highland accent.

The spokesman added: “It would be like Local Hero or Whisky Galore, but with a Dalek.”

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'I am here to f**k shit up' says baby at wedding

A BABY attending his first wedding is looking forward to causing total carnage.

Four-month-old Nathan Muir revealed he was ‘psyched’ in advance of the ceremony in rural Hertfordshire.

He said: “I’ve been perfecting an utterly piercing screech all week. I shall deploy it just as the vows are being exchanged.

“My mum won’t take me outside. She’ll want to give the bride and groom a much-appreciated glimpse of things to come. She’s cool, my mum.

“Meanwhile, I am going to be quite the fucking rascal.”

Nathan’s father, David, said: “We’ve got Nathan an irresistible Babygro tux and he’ll wait until one of the cousins picks him up before copiously soiling himself. Boom.

“He then plans to get into a ‘thing’ with another baby, to assert his dominance, before vomiting all over the bride’s Vera Wang dress.

“It is going to be fantastic.”