Being proved right about Brexit more important than future of UK

BRITONS are hoping the UK will suffer social and economic chaos if it supports their views on Brexit, they have revealed.

People on both sides of the debate would prefer there to be a crippling recession, riots in the streets and possibly civil war rather than lose a small amount of face.

Administrator Tom Logan said: “I predicted Brexit would cause a recession, so I’m hoping everyone will lose their jobs so I can be proved right to some pillocks on the internet.

“Ideally I’d like to see a 1930s-style depression but I’m not fussy. Even a few companies pulling out of the UK and devastating local communities would be a big ‘up yours’ to the smug Brexit gits.”

HR assistant Emma Bradford said: “I said there’d be riots if the government fudges Brexit, so I’m hoping there’ll be widespread civil unrest and people burning down liberal elite shops like Sainsbury’s.

“I’m not particularly in favour of descending into a bloody civil war but it would prove a valuable point to my Remainer friend Janet.”

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Girlfriends confirm nothing is wrong although their manner suggests otherwise

BRITAIN’S girlfriends have confirmed that nothing is wrong, but in a slightly offhand way which suggests that this may not be the case.

After being a bit quiet last night, avoiding eye contact and going to bed without saying anything, girlfriends have this morning stated that everything is fine although not in a very upbeat manner.

Long-term girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?

“I’ve got to go to work now.”

Boyfriend Tom Booker said: “Something’s not right, I can sense it.

“The difficulty is that I’m not sure whether I’ve done something bad, or she’s just not in a very good mood.

“If I ask her why she’s in a weird mood she might say she wasn’t until I made her feel weird by asking her. Then she may do that thing where she sits there holding a cushion.

“On the other hand, she’s clearly sending a signal that she wants my reassurance about something, even if she’s having difficulty reaching out because it’s a sensitive issue.

“I’ll just leave it.”