A SATANIC ritual in Devon has received top marks in every category on attendees feedback forms.
The rite, which took place in the remote village of Anwell Kelp, is the first to be ranked unanimously excellent in all aspects since covens introduced a feedback system this year in response to concerns over falling standards.
Masses are now rated from poor to excellent in 12 categories including ceremony, incantations and refreshments.
Anwell Kelp coven leader Tom Logan, who is a debauched aristocrat during the less significant parts of the lunar cycle, said: I think its the small touches, like black roses on the altar and caged ravens flanking the cauldron, that have made us the top UK coven.
Traditionally British rites have lagged behind their US counterparts in terms of production values but here we are raising the game with a more boutique black mass.
Also I have personally consulted with Satan on the minutiae of our events. It was he who suggested we put comfy rugs down prior to the climactic orgy.
Were also running a car-share scheme to help reduce our carbon footprint. That was Satans idea, too.
Witch Emma Bradford said: It really was a flawless event. And the breathtaking hilltop setting provides the perfect backdrop against which to cavort.