CUNNING socialist Bob Crow has successfully completed a daring reconnaisance mission at an exclusive capitalist restaurant.
The anti-establishment operative cleverly duped staff and diners at Scott’s in Mayfair into believing he was simply enjoying a decadent champagne-drenched lunch with friends.
But, it has emerged, he was undertaking a revolutionary mission codenamed Operation Biteback, for which he had been briefed to observe the eating, drinking and conversational habits of the ruling elite as a first step towards the longer-term goal of overthrowing them.
A spokesman for Crow said: “Showing characteristic disregard for his own personal safety, brother Bob entered the viper’s nest at 12.45pm yesterday, knowing full well that if he slipped on a point of etiquette he would be caught and tortured.
“Despite being entirely unaccustomed to the ways of a so-called ‘restaurant’ or indeed the bourgeois concept of food as something other than a utilitarian means of sustaining physical strength, Bob negotiated the menu, successfully ordering bottles of a revolting drink called ‘Morgassi Superiore 2009 Piedmont’ which apparently tastes of workers’ tears.
“Naturally there were various tricks and traps in place to lure the working class spy, for example a dish called ‘sorbett’ which is in fact pronounced ‘sor-bay’.
“Apparently this foodstuff had a delicate yet repugnant wild strawberry flavour, redolent of the type of perfect English summer’s day which in this unjust society only stripey-blazered fops have the freedom to enjoy.”
He added: “After several hours of expert pretence brother Bob left the restaurant and quickly vomited the corrupt culinary delights into a plain builders-type bucket.
“His stomach was dreadfully upset for days before he returned to his normal diet of recycled rain water and thin soup flavoured with coal.”