NIGHTCLUB bouncers look hard simply because they are overweight, it has emerged.
Researchers found that although door security staff appear to be authentically burly and have a confidently hostile manner, most of their body weight comes from fried breakfasts.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “When you squeeze 21 stone of man-suet into a suit or bomber jacket, it gives a more masculine silhouette. Also black is very slimming.
“But if you catch them in a t-shirt going to the supermarket on a Saturday, they are straightforwardly obese.”
Professor Brubaker found that bouncers used anecdotes of breaking up riots in fictional 80s metal clubs to consolidate their exaggerated aura of machismo.
Bouncer Tom Booker said: “I am just a fat person who also happens to be tall and therefore thinks he’s a bad ass.
“However I’ve had four scuffles this month. How many have you had? Exactly.”