Britain borrowing way too much stuff

BRITAIN’S borrowing is out of control, with clothes, DVDs and cookware topping the list of things that need to be given back.

Britain really doesn't want to talk about the political subtext

A recent spring clean has uncovered boxes full of borrowed items which are taking up valuable space in the flat which Britain could really use for its own stuff.

More than 60 DVDs, including The Pursuit Of Happyness and The Transporter 3, have been identified as belonging to friends or acquaintances, but Britain has little idea who.

Tom Logan, from Hatfield, said: “I think these Battlestar Galactica box-sets belong to Gareth but if I try to give them back he’ll ask me if I watched them. And who the fuck lent me Paranormal Activity?

“Who do these books belong to? Why have I got three copies of The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets’ Nest? Will anyone mind if I give them to a charity shop or put them in the bin?”

Other borrowed items include a 2002 Barcelona away shirt thought to have come back from five-a-side, a hedge-trimmer with a severed power cable, the purpley-red coloured Trivial Pursuit and 17 casserole dishes.

Economists believe this level of borrowing is affecting growth because Logan’s girlfriend Emma Bradford is refusing to let him get any new stuff until all this other shit has been got rid of.

Meanwhile, Bradford has her own collection of borrowed items, including a Babyliss hairdryer that no longer has the volumising attachment and a pair of gold gladiator sandals with stains on them that might be blood.