THE birth of a 15-and-a-half pound baby heralds a golden age of plenty.
Cold and hungry Britons, huddled around flickering tealights, insisted everything was going to be fine after the arrival of Massive George.
Jane Thompson, from Peterborough, said: “On the same day the government announces food stamps, the Gods reveal unto us a gigantic baby.
“And he is named George King. Can you not see that we are truly the chosen ones?”
Bill McKay, from Hatfield, added: “It’s an omen that the time of the Great Squeeze is at an end and we will all soon feast, our tables heaving with geese and pineapples and mini iPads.”
McKay added: “Of course he’s called George King. He could not be anything else. He’s our massive British baby with a great British name.
“We are invincible.”
The government, the Church of England and the Queen will be appointed as Massive George’s co-guardians to nurture and protect the Great Child until he can begin the Golden Time of his benign, all-loving dictatorship.
Meanwhile, he will be paraded though the streets of London twice a year atop Britain’s largest cow and pointed at crafty foreigners who think they are better than us.
Nikki Hollis, from Stevenage, said: “We must preserve all of his stools.”