Britain urged to freak out

WEATHER forecasters have issued an exclamation mark in a triangle, urging Britons to freak out.

It’s fairly general

The alarmist punctuation mark, which is the graphical representation of unbridled panic, probably refers to the cold weather.

However the symbol’s ambiguous nature means that it could equally refer to nuclear war, an anal bleeding pandemic or a shortage of crisps.

Meteorologist Tom Logan said: “At this point all we can say for certain is ‘massive exclamation mark in a triangle’.

“That’s right. It is time to abandon sanity.”

Father-of-two Stephen Malley said: “Maybe this symbol means ‘drive carefully’ but it could just as easily refer to the feeling I have every morning when I wake up in a cold sweat at 2am.”

Teacher Emma Bradford said: “I’m going to assume the exclamation mark means ‘get in a cupboard until further notice, and remain there even if dead relatives’ faces emerge from the darkness’.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “It means whatever you think it means, but worse.”