Britain used to love a good prison escape, man tells son while realising how weird that is

A MAN telling his son how escaped prisoners were not long ago regarded as folk heroes is realising how deeply strange that was. 

Joe Turner was telling son Bradley how in the 1970s the whole country would have been cheering for this Khalife lad before registering what he was saying and stopping mid-sentence. 

He said: “Wait, why did we spend four decades treating Ronnie Biggs like he was Robin f**king Hood? Even now I’m chuckling at his loveable country-hopping antics. 

“I guess the Great Train Robbers were different, but we also cheered on George Blake and he was a KGB agent and traitor. Still, what a lad, eh? Rope ladder over the wall of Wormwood Scrubs and he made it all the way through the Iron Curtain!

“Back then every schoolboy could recount their favourite escapes. Ropes made of bedsheets, guns made of soap, tunnels, guard uniforms and a light tap on the head with a cosh for the screws, who wouldn’t hold a grudge. 

“Then the whole nation would be following the manhunt agog, hoping they’d outwit the police and pop up six years later on the Côte d’Azur hoisting a pint of wine and giving two fingers to the camera for The Sun. 

“F**k it, let’s bring those days back. We’re all behind you Danny Khalife, my son! Give those coppers the slip! Next stop Istanbul!”

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Couples who've been together since they were 14, and other questionable relationships

DO you know a couple who’ve been together so long they might as well be siblings? Here are some other relationships that are a bit odd.

The couple who have been together since they were 14

This pair were your year’s golden couple when they started going out in 1995, and you could only dream of a romance like it. However, 28 years have passed and these two are still soldiering on, each secretly wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone – anyone – else. They are the sunk cost fallacy made flesh and everyone who was once jealous now feels sorry for them, the weirdos.

The person who goes out with their best friend’s sibling

Is this person secretly in love with their best friend and their best friend’s sibling is the next best thing? Or do they not really give a shit about the friendship and don’t care about the potential difficulties if the relationship goes awry? Either way, this is a strange scenario with the potential for a lot of drama and not much else.

The couple with the huge age difference

A couple of years either way is obviously fine. About ten is acceptable. But when you move into the realms of a couple of decades, something weird is going on. No fit young thing genuinely fancies a wrinkly elder, so they’re either in it for the money or they have a creepy grandparent fetish. Neither of which make for a healthy relationship. Imagine never knowing if they love you or just your Werther’s Originals. 

The person who gets together with their boss

Aside from the dodgy power imbalance thing, getting it on with your boss is just plain tacky. And it’s especially bad if they’re planning to continue to work together. Nobody wants to catch them trying to have a sneaky snog in the kitchen, or stumbling red-faced from the stationery cupboard. Shagging the boss should be a sackable offence, which it may well be if someone hotter joins the department.

The couple who got together as the result of an affair

Once the initial home-wrecking dust has settled, everyone will pretend to be fine with this couple, while secretly discussing them behind their backs. Will they cheat on each other with other people? Do they feel a creeping sense of guilt which eats away at their happiness? Did they quickly realise they didn’t really like each other but felt obliged to stay together after they’d caused so much heartache? Nobody knows, but everyone absolutely loves speculating, so in a way home-wrecking is a good thing.