BRITAIN’S economy has slowed after it realised it was living in a fantasy world.
The latest GDP figures showed the economy is now coming to terms with the fact that its apparent health was based on the usual bullshit concoction of houses and unsustainable retail therapy.
Britain’s economy said: “I am just so full of crap. I wanted everyone to believe that I was strong, like an oak, but I’m actually just a cardboard cutout of an oak.
“I’m spending money I don’t have on things that will make me feel better about how poor I am.
“That’s not an economy. That’s tawdry self-delusion and I will have nothing more to do with it.”
But chancellor George Osborne said: ‘The British economy is absolutely fine. This is blatant attention seeking by an ungrateful bastard designed to fuck me up just when I had the world in my grasp.
“Repeat after me – Houses, cars and lovely things! Houses, cars and lovely things!”