Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Britain's Lush stores full of awkward boyfriends out of their depth

HORDES of bewildered boyfriends are milling around Lush desperately seeking Christmas gifts for their partners. 

A single Lush in Northampton saw more than 1,200 men enter, look around trying to pick up a quick extra for their partners, and become hopelessly confused by a jungle of unfamiliar shapes and scents.

An employee said: “You have to get to them quickly, before their primitive senses get overwhelmed.

“But when they first come in, they’re too afraid to ask for help. They spend hours just staring at the shampoo bars muttering ‘But… what?’

“Even when you reach them in time they’re usually at their wit’s end. One guy even started openly weeping when I tried to explain to him what body butter is.”

Shopper Jordan Gardner said: “Why does it all have to smell so confusing? Why does it all seem like it could be food?

“The man tried to sell me apple-and-quince vegan shower jelly before. I think he was joking. But what if he wasn’t?”