SHOPS in the UK have added safety helmets and steel toe cap shoes to their ‘back to school’ ranges alongside lunch boxes and protractor sets.
As the RAAC concrete crisis deepens and ministers are unable to guarantee children will not be crushed by falling masonry during maths, British stores have introduced a new range of miniature protective clothing.
A Tesco spokesperson said: “Will your child be learning how to use a set square today or will they be falling through the floor of their classroom? Nobody knows, so it’s best to send them prepared for all eventualities.
“You can get the usual polo shirts and grey trousers, but why not add a hi-vis jacket to your basket too? It will make them much easier to spot amidst the dust and rubble of their collapsed dinner hall.
“And obviously the government are a shower of useless bastards who aren’t going to fix this any time soon, so we’re working on a line of child-sized tools, plant machinery and so on, so that the kids can rebuild the schools themselves. Should be available by Christmas.”
Eight-year-old Oliver O’Connor said: “It’s a bit scary going to a school that might fall down, but if it did we’d get to go home so I’m secretly hoping for a horrific disaster.”