THE majority of British women would come a distant second to a flame-grilled bacon and cheddar beef burger in a bap, according to a new survey.
The Institute for Studies found that the beefy, double-decker delight was at least as satisfying as intercourse with a British woman but did not keep going on and on and on about stuff.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “They are greasy, lumpy and covered in cheese.
“But not as much cheese as the double Angus.
“If I was a British woman I would be upping my cheese quotient as a matter of urgency.”
He added: “But even then, men could never connect with a woman in the way they connect with a monumental burger that has been garnished, very thoughtfully, with bits of crispy smoked bacon.
“It’s like having a soulmate who doesn’t mind being eaten and washed down with Fanta.
“And of course they are also much cheaper as they don’t wear shoes or have a series of seemingly trivial anniversaries tattooed onto the inside of their eyes .”
Meanwhile, the survey also found that British food would be more respected internationally if it did not consist mainly of highly processed animal parts sold by vast, amoral corporations.