THE UK’s pathetic obsession with posh people is caused by a desire to perform menial tasks for the upper classes, it has emerged.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that 83 per cent of Britons just wanted to be put back in their place, even if that meant warming slippers for contemptuous big house-dwellers.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The reason why every other telly programme is some utter cack about ‘poshness’ is that ordinary Britons cannot handle freedom or any sort of self-determination.
“Like faithful spaniels we recognise our masters on the television, and long to be back in their massive cold houses, living in a cupboard under the stairs and getting mercilessly beaten with a wicker chair for overdoing Lord Plankton-Bowers’s boiled egg.”
Marketing consultant Stephen Malley said: “I’ve earned a bit of money but to be honest I’ve still got horrible taste. Clearly I am a born pleb and have applied for bedpan-supervisor roles in various big houses.
“Hopefully I can progress up the ranks to the top servant position of ‘ruddy-faced below-stairs bully’.”