UK moon mission ‘not just a piss-up’

THE organisers of a UK moon landing have strenuously denied that it is an excuse to drink lager in space.

‘Lunar Mission One’ was criticised after it emerged that the project’s real working title was Lads’ Lunar Tour 2024.

Astronaut Tom Booker said: “It’s all about science, gathering rare moon rocks and whatnot.

“Part of the mission will be doing experiments, for example on the effects of drinking keg ales in a zero gravity environment.

“We are all really sad to be leaving our wives behind for quite a long time.”

However fellow astronaut Roy Hobbs said: “I don’t particularly want to go to the moon but it’s no more boring than fishing, which I do every weekend for similar reasons.”

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McNuggets made with organic, fresh child meat

MCDONALD’S has revealed that its nuggets contain locally-sourced boy.

The restaurant chain is on a PR offensive following falling sales and concerns about why its food looks, smells and tastes like it does.

A spokesman said: “What happened was that a kid fell into one of the machines during a factory tour, and we got a lot of good feedback on the resulting nuggets.

“They say human meat tastes like chicken. We say it tastes more like chicken than chicken itself.

“But you can see it’s not the dreaded ‘pink slime’. Look at that tray of pure lean juvenile.”

The spokesman explained how homeless children are lured into the factory with a trail of chips.

“After pulping, we push the child paste through a big sieve which filters out the teeth and jewellery.”

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “Meat’s meat, I suppose. Probably they should label their products ‘contains child’ but as long as there’s no added salt or sugar I’m happy.

“Also I’d like to know what the children had been fed and maybe have their pictures on the packaging.”