Britons of all races united against Daily Mail

MULTI-RACIAL Britons are united in thinking the Daily Mail is full of shit.

As the newspaper once again revelled in division, Britons of all races confirmed that they were joined by a belief that the Mail is a load of paranoia and semi-pornography written by and for freaks.

Arjun Patel, of Worcester, said: “Minor cultural differences can soon be overcome when you’ve both read a Mail article about transgender-only schools, Liz Jones or ‘the hidden science of sex’ and gone ‘that is bollocks’.

“I used to hate my West Indian neighbour until we compared notes on Samantha Brick’s article on female obesity. Now we play dominoes twice a week.”

Swindon-based Roy Hobbs said: “Black, white or Asian, anyone who thinks Littlejohn’s a twat, or that articles inviting the reader to simultaneously condemn and leer over drunk female students are very wrong, is alright by me.”


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Management sees woman's untapped potential to work weekends

A MANAGER has identified one of his employees as having what it takes to work most weekends.

Nikki Hollis, a junior marketing executive, has been working at her current job for just three weeks, but her manager has already singled her out as being what he calls ‘a weekender’.

Manager Denys Finch Hatton said: “Nikki has the lack of social life and deep fear of losing her job that will drive her to slog her guts out on more Saturdays and Sundays than she can count.

“She is a great fit for the company and has already responded to subtle manipulations to stay late, even on a Friday.

“With the right continued guilt-tripping from me, combined with a gradual build-up of workload and stress, I’m confident she has a very bright future working here at weekends.”

The company currently runs a rewards scheme for weekend-working employees called ‘Go Hard But Don’t Go Home’, which offers vouchers at an office cafe with the same name.