BRITISH people are still incapable of coming up with personalities for themselves.
Reports that Britain now has seven social classes were greeted with a sigh of relief from a nation of people too lazy to have individual characteristics.
Teacher Emma Bradford said: “I’m more than happy to let my entire value system be decided by a set of arbitrary economic guidelines.
“Without a strong, detailed class system I’d have no reference points, I could end up watching Antiques Roadshow while drinking an Oasis, wearing a top hat and stroking a staffordshire bull terrier.
“I’d start to question everything and soon wouldn’t be able to distinguish a cat from a barn.”
The updated class system includes the ‘technical middle class’ who have lots of money from doing cash-in-hand plumbing jobs but prefer to spend it at T.G.I. Friday’s, and ’emergent service workers’ who are basically quite poor people who think they’re it because they work in clothes shops.
Salesman Tom Booker said: “Far from being an archaic load of cack, the class system is a handy ready-reckoner for how to behave.
“As a ‘new affluent worker’ I understand now that I must drive a stupid little Mini car, own at least six cook books and do cocaine every other weekend.
“Without that knowledge I’d literally have to make myself up, using my personal thoughts and sensibilities, which would be horrible.”