BRITONS are to painstakingly peruse the Government’s 14-page pro-EU booklet before doing the same with their latest letter from Capital One.
The glossy booklet, titled Congratulations! You Have Been Personally Selected for an Explanation of Why the Government Believes Remaining in the EU is the Best Decision for the UK, will be treated with the same reverence as all unsolicited mail.
Joseph Turner of Welwyn Garden City said: “When making key decisions, whether remortgaging or leaving the EU, I always turn first to whatever’s come through the post.
“I’ve set the whole afternoon aside for this booklet, with a pad and pencil ready to make notes, and I’m confident that when I’ve finished I will be equipped to make an informed decision.
“After that it’s the Boden catalogue, and then my latest Capital One invitation. I wonder how they’ll elaborate on yesterday’s stunning gambit of a facsimile platinum card included within the very envelope?
Turner added: “Wait, is that the letterbox? What’s this? A new pizza restaurant also able to deliver?
“Cancel my dinner plans. This deserves my full attention.”