THE BT adverts featuring that bastard couple are causing Britain’s average IQ to fall off a cliff, according to new research.
Median British IQ has dropped 46 points since the launch of the campaign which follows the relationship between a ginger streak of piss, his slightly older, dead-eyed girlfriend and the simpering offspring she has with a Jigsaw jumper-wearing silver fox who looks like a baddie from Bergerac.
Experts now believe Britain is being made even more dense by the campaign’s toxic combination of hateful characters, ‘storylines’ and criminally pointless dialogue.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “We have recently been treated to a scenario where streak-of-piss and his ethnically and demographically-diverse, but equally insufferable friends, are enjoying ‘beers’ and ‘banter’ while struggling to watch some banal, vanilla internet porn.
“When the black guy says ‘your software’s pants’ you can feel everyone in Britain dying, just a little bit. But because of what the BBC has done to British television, this is now regarded as a quality drama serial.
“Our society has become so conditioned to being treated with such utter contempt that we no longer have the will or strength to get out of our chairs and pull the entire bloated, festering carcass to the ground and hack it to pieces with scythes and chainsaws, before painting our naked bodies and performing a sexually charged pagan dance ritual around the dismembered chunks while holding burning torches and singing Debaser at the top of our lungs.
“I’m sorry, what was the question?”
But mother-of-two, Nikki Hollis, said: “I really like those adverts. It’s the whole will-they-won’t-they thing, isn’t it?
“Will they contract the ebola virus from an infected BT hub and bleed horribly and graphically to death, haemorrhaging from every orifice as they twist and contort in the throes of unimaginable agony?
“Or won’t they?”