Builders working on rich couple's house not aware they are unpaid interns

BUILDERS renovating a wealthy couple’s large Cotswolds home do not realise they are unpaid interns, it has emerged.

Julian and Sally Cook, who work run a London PR firm, bought the 16th century farmhouse and then decided the best way to renovate it would be by getting people to do it for free.

Julian Cook said: “These builders are getting some great building experience to put on their CVs.

“We know a lot of well-off people so it’s a fantastic opportunity for them to showcase things like their bathroom-tiling skills to potential clients.

“We also provide a kettle and a generous supply of tea bags. They have to get their own milk though, you can’t provide that because they’d just steal it.”

Builder Wayne Hayes said: “They seem like nice enough people, and you can’t turn down six months’ work. Plus they agreed to the quote right away.”

Cook added: “Agreeing to pay them was just part of the ‘work experience role play’ designed to prepare them for the ‘real world’ of business. I think we all understood that.

“Anyway they haven’t got the money to sue us, so fuck them.”

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You wouldn't like being socially mobile, says government

PEOPLE just become confused and upset if they rise above their existing social class, the government has claimed.

After the Social Mobility Commission was criticised for being ineffective, Theresa May argued it was cruel to make lower-class Britons have erudite conversations and learn to use cutlery.

She said: “If you give a working-class person a proper job like barrister or MP they can’t see the point of it and wonder why they aren’t repairing roads with their friends.

“They don’t enjoy dinner parties because they have to think while eating instead of staring vacantly at ITV like human cows. Also there isn’t a fight afterwards like when they go to the local windowless pub.

“What’s the point of the underclass becoming surgeons on £250,000 a year if they’re too stressed to enjoy their scratchcards and nine per cent cider?”

However she added: “If a child from a poor background is exceptionally bright and wants to go to university there’s no reason why they shouldn’t become a factory supervisor.

“People are happiest if they know their place, even if that place is the Peckham branch of Alabama Fried Chicken cleaning under the fridges at 2am.”