David Davis pays £50m to get out of gym contract
BREXIT secretary David Davis has happily paid over £50 million to cancel his contract at Fitness First.
Davis initially attempted to walk away from his gym membership without paying a penny, demanding that he still be allowed to use the showers and juice bar ‘on an ad hoc basis’, before being reminded that he had signed up to a 24-month contract.
Following extensive negotiations, Fitness First finally agreed to release Davis from all financial obligations if he gave them £50,000,001 and withdrew his application to be Hunk Of The Month for January.
Davis said: “I’m feeling very positive about this. I’m free to enter into negotiations with other gyms, who I expect will be desperate to associate with a body like mine.
“And if no deal is forthcoming, I’ll just set up my own gym at home. I’ve seen a rowing machine for sale on Gumtree, and I can borrow Michael Gove’s dumbbells.
“I’ll call it Davy Davis’s Locker and the only music will be Dame Vera Lynn and The Best of the Eagles. “
However Davis’s home gym will remain on hold while he completes negotiations with Netflix, who have repeatedly insisted they are unable to ‘throw in’ every episode of Bergerac.