Bus lanes are communism, says motorist

BUS lanes mean that Soviet Russia is still alive and well in Britain today, a motorist has claimed. 

Nissan Qashqai driver Nathan Muir believes bus lanes, which give large numbers of low-paid workers priority over entrepreneurs, essentially mean that Lenin has won.

He continued: “The Red jackboot, shaped like a bus, stamps on the fingers of wealth creators again and again.

“I see that bus, loaded with grinning children like China’s Cultural Revolution, sail past me each morning and I know the war is over, and the West has lost.

“I don’t mind taxis, they’re Thatcherite. Cyclists remind me of the Viet Cong.”

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Men called Robert smug about all the different ways of saying their name

MEN called Robert believe they are better than other men because they can be called Rob, Robbie or even Bob. 

The Roberts have admitted they look down on Ians, Simons and Pauls, trapped in the prisons of their fixed, unchangeable forenames.

Rob Fletcher of Chester said: “Each morning, I arise and cloak myself in whatever permutation of my name best suits my mood. Will I be the formal Robert today, or everyman Bob? Perhaps even the playful Bobby?

“Maybe Bert, that trustworthy working-class stalwart, will make an appearance. Or his twin and polar opposite, the aristocratic fop Bertie?

“I pity the Dave, or David, who thinks himself society’s chameleon with a mere two possible names.

“The whole world is a Robert’s amusement park.”