WONDERING why you’re seeing shoppers clear supermarket shelves despite explicitly being told they don’t have to? That’s because their panicked brains heard these thoughts instead.
This is the opposite of the advice they were given, but shoppers reckon this is the subtext that supermarket bosses were hinting at. If you want to be a panic buyer, it’s easy – misinterpret everything anyone tells you and only listen to the primal fear of starvation in your head.
A family pack of toilet roll only lasts a day
Despite only going through a few sheets of double quilted toilet paper in the space of 24 hours, a shopper told not to panic buy will instantly start miscalculating under pressure. Even if they live alone and have a low fibre diet, they’ll decide that 16 rolls will barely see them through to the evening.
Reasonable behaviour is optional
Calmly pushing your trolley round like normal is the way to go. But shoppers will disregard this the second they’re told not to worry. Now they’re fully prepared to punch a granny in the face so they can steal the last packet of chocolate digestives. It’s survival of the fittest, and they’re the apex predator.
My cupboard’s definitely big enough for all this
This deluded thought usually kicks in when shoppers catch themselves wheeling around three large trolleys filled to the brim. So what if they only did a big shop yesterday? With a bit of careful planning all this excess food is bound to fit in somehow. Maybe leave that slim pack of finely sliced ham on the shelf, just to be sure.
Society is on the brink of collapse
An empty fresh produce section is a sure sign that we’re heading towards a Mad Max-style dystopia as far as panic buyers are concerned. And once the abundant supplies of spaghetti hoops are reduced to half capacity, it’s only a matter of hours until grizzled marauders will be cruising down the streets in giant nitro-powered trucks. So stock up while you can.