BRITAIN’S middle class landlords have admitted that they are just like Walter White from Breaking Bad.
Following stamp duty increases on buy-to-let properties, Britain’s landlords confirmed that the money is less important than the twisted sense of power.
67-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “The cash is great, don’t get me wrong, and I also love using the word ‘portfolio’ to describe the ex-council flat I rent out, but it’s really all about being in charge. I’ve been pushed around all my life and it’s high time I got to fuck someone else over.
“I make the tenants call me ‘El Diablo’ because if they do not I can have them tossed out on the street with all the other vermin.
“When I turn up to do my random ‘decorative repair spot checks’ their children cower in the corner as my shadow falls over them. It’s like a drug.”
Hobbs’s wife Emily said: “The tenants said the boiler was leaking and I just said ‘oh dear, I’ll tell Roy’ with the clear subtext that nothing would be done. We are the puppet masters.
“We’ve always pretended we do this to pay for our retirement or for our grandchildren’s education or some bullshit, but we would be landlords for free. It’s our main pleasure in life apart from watching Dragon’s Den.”