Cadbury 'ignoring part of Bible where rabbit gives Jesus a Wispa egg'

CHOCOLATE maker Cadbury has ignored the biblical story of Jesus getting a Wispa egg off a rabbit, it has been claimed.

Religious leaders attacked the confectioner because a single factory shop branded Easter eggs as ‘gesture eggs’, despite clear Bible references to a talking rabbit who gives Jesus a chocolate egg wrapped in foil.

Self-appointed spokesman Joseph Turner, who is a Christian without all that love and acceptance nonsense, said: “I know all about the Bible because it was the only book Daddy allowed in our house apart from the Yellow Pages.

“Matthew 15:39-41 clearly describes how, just as Jesus was feeling depressed about his impending crucifixion, a big friendly rabbit appeared and introduced itself as ‘Gregory’.

“Gregory the rabbit gave Jesus a basket containing a Wispa egg in a presentation box with two Wispa bars, and a packet of Mini Eggs.

“Jesus ate the lot in one go, he wasn’t worried about indigestion because he had other stuff on his mind.”

He added: “That, in a nutshell, is Easter. It’s a very clear and logical religious festival that we celebrate on a completely random date every year.”

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Man somehow believes his flat is clean

A MAN who believes his flat is quite clean is incorrect, it has emerged.

Tom Logan was expecting lavish praise from girlfriend Mary Fisher after a rigorous cleaning operation that took over an hour and left him physically exhausted.

Logan said: “I emptied the bins and scraped all the grease off the cooker hood. It was basically a hardcore professional cleaning job.

“But when Mary came over she said it was still dirty and started doing weird things like putting soapy water in the bin and taking the lampshades off to wipe them. I hope she’s not got OCD.

“She actually started scrubbing the floor. I thought they only did that in period dramas because vacuum cleaners hadn’t been invented yet.”

Fisher said: “Sadly Tom did not realise there is a higher standard of cleaning that goes far beyond wiping the dust off the Playstation.

“I was going to tell him he can get rid of the black mould in the shower just with a good scrub, but that could undermine his entire perception of reality.”