ARE you frequently in state of silent rage about the twats in your local Asda? Here are some of the worst offenders.
Person still shopping while at checkout
The person ahead of you is just doing a light shop, you think. Until you realise that’s only a third of what they intend to buy. Only when in the queue do they remember the other two thirds of things they forgot to get, the vacuous, flakey scum.
The macho maskless man
He stalks the aisles defiantly, hoping some Guardian-reading weed will confront him. He’s not actually there to buy anything; he’s doing his rounds of retail outlets to prove how muscular and hard he is. Next stop after this – Carphone Warehouse.
The queue hedge better
They’re in front of you. But then they see another till processing faster so hop over there. Only that queue slows up – so they return to your queue, resuming their place in front of you. These people exist and lengthy penal servitude is the only appropriate option for them.
Nattering and blocking the frozen food section
Two trolleys create a blockade as their users chatter away like they’re in the park. You’re trying to reach over for some Ben & Jerry’s but you’re made to feel like you’re invading their conversational space. Only by summoning your deepest reserves of passive aggression can you get them to sigh and move on.
Old man complaining about prices at till
‘£2.99?’ ‘Yes, £2.99.’ (Pause) ‘£2.99?’
And so on, for several minutes. A man with a generous pension is angry that prices haven’t stayed frozen since 1972.