A STATUE of Cecil Rhodes at Oxford University has come to life and gone on a racist rampage through the town.
The statue at Oriel College, angered by attempts to remove it, broke through the netting surrounding it late last night and has been roaming the town stamping out instances of political correctness.
Student Joanna Kramer said: “I saw it raise its head, seemingly angered by a protest about cultural micro-aggressions, and growl in a creaking, stone voice ‘I’ll show you bloody racism’.
“It broke through the pigeon netting and began tossing people left and right, shouting about the greatness of the Anglo-Saxon race and its destiny to rule.”
There was a brief respite around 2am when the statue visited a kebab van, before destroying more buildings, ripping up trees and removing left wing books from reading lists.
Oxford don Julian Cook said: “I urge Britain not to do anything that might anger statues of Queen Victoria or the Prince Consort Albert.
“There’s bloody thousands of them.”