Thursday, 13th May 2021

Census to be redone after leaving out question on what you call a bread roll

THE 2021 census is to be recalled after leaving out the crucial question on what you and members of your household call a bread roll.

Along with questions related to ethnicity, sexuality and gender, the government collects this vital piece of information to ensure that local councils receive appropriate funding for infrastructure and services.

A spokesman for the Office for National Statistics said: “‘Bread roll’ areas receive significantly more government funding than ‘bap’, ‘cob’ and ‘barm cake’ regions, simply because those are mad things to call what is quite obviously a bread roll.

“It is an unconscionable error to leave the question out. Britain has been answering this going all the way back to the Domesday Book in 1086.

“Perhaps the compilers were anxious to avoid another violent uprising over the order in which the options were listed, as happened in the muffin riots of 2011.

“But it’s a crucial way of tracking social mobility and increased diversity. The idea of a ‘cob’ man marrying a ‘teacake’ woman was unheard of just ten years ago.

“In any case, we hope people won’t mind filling out a lengthy and intrusive survey again so we can collect this important piece of information.”